


The art of getting rid of an audience

by TeamSharma



Category: Good Wife (TV), Good Wife RPF
Genre: Good Wife (RPF), Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-03-09
Packaged: 2017-12-04 18:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamSharma/pseuds/TeamSharma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert and Michelle King discuss a way to get rid of their audience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The art of getting rid of an audience

**Author's Note:**

> This piece definitely needs a disclaimer. I love the show The Good Wife, I really do, and I think the Kings as well as everybody else in the team are doing an amazing job which I greatly respect. Nevertheless I’m really frustrated by what is happening on screen at the moment (4x15 has just been aired) and had to let my frustration out by writing this little dialogue. This isn’t even a story, but more of an image that I had to get out of my head and it has nothing to do with how I actually see the Kings’ work.

MK: Robert, when will we move to our new house in Florida? 

RK: As soon as we’ve finished this project. 

MK: But that won’t be before 2015! The last ratings said we had 14 Million viewers. 

RK: Yes, David told me already. But don’t worry, honey. I talked to some people on CBS and they agreed to move the show to Sunday night. 

MK: Are you serious? Oh Robert, that’s fantastic. With all the awards and sports events we’ll lose a couple of million for sure. 

 

_Several months later:_

MK: Robert, we’ve been on Sundays for quite a while now and we still have 12 Million viewers.

RK: Yes, I know. That’s still too much.

MK: And? What do we do?

RK: Let’s see…. If nothing relevant happens between Peter and Alicia for three seasons we'll probably lose at least half of our Team Florrick fans. And if Alicia and Will then start an affair it will piss off the rest of the remaining Peter fans. But then we'll let the affair between Will and Alicia end all of a sudden – and then… nothing! Which, in turn, will piss off the Team Gardner fans. Don't you think that’ll drop the numbers of viewers dramatically?

MK: Absolutely. That’s brilliant. I could marry you all over again!

 

_Several months later:_

MK (*sighs*): Still 10 Million. Who would have known that fans can be so clingy. 

RK: Yes. Most of them seem to be Kalinda fans. Or maybe Cary fans.

MK: I thought we had taken care of Cary? We haven’t given him any relevant screen time since Season 2. 

RK: Yes, right. But the fans are still hoping that will change soon. 

MK: Well, don’t change it. 

RK: Am I nuts? I know what to do.

MK: Really? Come on, tell me! 

RK: Kalinda’s husband will come to Chicago and give her a hard time. 

MK: How is that supposed to upset the Kalinda fans?

RK: We’ll let her say and do stupid, adolescent things, we’ll make her a victim, we’ll let her do all kinds of stuff so that the fans don't even recognize the character anymore…

MK: I don’t know… Do you really think that’s a good idea? Maybe the people just like Archie, no matter how out-of-character Kalinda acts. Have you thought about getting somebody else for the role?

RK: Yes, but we can’t void Archie's contract.

MK: Well, then let’s do it the way you said. 

RK: Yes. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

 

_Several months later:_

MK: Still 9 Million. 

RK: Damn. 

MK: That’s only because CBS forced us to change the Nick/Kalinda storyline.

RK: I’m sorry, Michelle.

MK: Well, there’s one more thing we can do…

RK: Yeah? What? 

MK: People like Alicia, so we have to make Alicia a bitch, and Kalinda has to disappear from screen – more or less. I mean Archie has a contract, so we can’t ignore her completely. Oh, and maybe Diane too. Let’s give her as little screen time as Cary. People like Diane too. 

RK: How do we do that? We have regular characters. They _have_ to be on screen from time to time.

MK: With lots of guest stars…

RK: You think so? 

MK: I’m sure of it. The more guest stars we have, the less time there is to have a solid storyline for the regular characters. 

RK: Yeah, that could work. I can already smell the tropical flowers in our backyard… 

MK: We should also talk to Daniel. The viewers like the clothes too much on our show. Maybe he can do something about it. I’m not sure about Alicia becoming unlikeable, though. 

RK: Why? What’s the problem?

MK: If Alicia’s becoming bitchy it gives Julianna all kinds of opportunities to give the viewer an even greater variety of her amazing facial expressions. You know how good she is at that.

RK: You’re afraid this might give her another Emmy-nomination? She’ll get that anyway. There’s nothing that can be done against talent.

MK: Yes, true. But you think it’s possible to have an Emmy-nominated show that nobody watches? 

RK: If we do it right, yes. We had several Emmy nominations last year and the number of viewers dropped anyway. 

MK (*nods approvingly*): Yes, and we decreased Archie’s screen time right after she got that Emmy. 

RK: Right. So I think we’re safe.

MK. Well, there’s one more thing…

RK: Yes? 

MK: Alicia and Peter should get back together again. There are only a few Team Florrick fans left anyway after three seasons of nothing. If Alicia and Peter have sex, it will frustrate the rest of the Team Gardner fans. But if they only have sex and don’t talk with each other it will upset the remaining Peter fans too, don’t you think? 

RK: No, wait, wait… I have a better idea: Let them kiss!

MK: Who? 

RK: Alicia and Will. This will give the Willicia fans hope and then we can crash it. It’s not enough to just ignore their relationship, you know how patient fans can be. What we need is to frustrate them again. Hope and frustration, Michelle. That’s the only thing that works. Hope and frustration, hope and frustration…

MK (*rolls her eyes*): Okay, okay, I get it. 

RK: And we need to frustrate the Kalicia fans too. We’ve ignored them much too long which was careless. To be honest, I thought they were just a bunch of crazy lesbians, but it turned out that it’s a bigger fan community than I thought. Many viewers watch the show because of the friendship between Alicia and Kalinda. 

MK: But we’ve destroyed that already in Season 2, didn’t we?

RK: Well, the fans are still there. So we need to do something different to frustrate them.

MK: And how do we do that? Lesbian viewers are used to being frustrated when it comes to American Television. It happens all the time and they’re still there, watching. 

RK (*smiles mysteriously*): We’ll beat them at their own game. We’ll include some subtext in the first episodes of Season 4, and then we’ll drop their scenes to zero. Like I said, Michelle: Hope and frustration, that’s what we need.

MK: Well, maybe that way we get rid of the lesbian viewers but what do we do with the rest of the Kalicia fans that appreciate the friendship?

RK: You don’t think it’s enough if they don’t have any scenes together?

MK: I’m not sure…

RK: Don’t forget that we’ve already damaged Kalinda’s character and now we’re damaging Alicia’s. Who cares about a friendship between two damaged characters?

MK: I don’t know… The Kalicia fans?

RK: That’s stupid.

MK: I know…

RK (*frowning*): You know what bothers me more is Matt’s character. He’s so cute.

MK: Yes, your hope and frustration theory doesn’t work with him because Cary’s not even on screen anymore. 

RK: Maybe we should hook him up with Kalinda.

MK (*laughs*): Kalinda? Why should Kalinda start something with Cary? 

RK: I don’t know… Because he’s cute?

MK: Kalinda doesn’t do cute.

RK: Whatever. Many viewers would like to see an affair between Cary and Kalinda. So let’s give it to them and then frustrate them. 

MK: Kalinda drops him like a hot potato?

RK: Do you have a better idea?

MK: No. But what do we do with the viewers who aren’t fans of a character but simply enjoy a show about law and politics?

RK: Oh, we’ve already frustrated every Republican. And what we have to do now is frustrate the Democrats, which is easy with Eli’s tactics and Peter who looks more like a marionette than a grown up man with a brain and a backbone. 

MK: You know that we have to make Alicia and Peter break up too, don’t you?

RK: Of course. That will be the last straw. And you’ll see, my darling, we will be in Florida in no time.


End file.
